Sample Positive and Routine Messages

ROUTINE REQUEST

To: From: hh_clausen@early-ed.com Subject: Request: Competitive Threat Analysis Insights and Advice Hello everyone, At last week’s off-site meeting. Charles asked me to coordinate our companywide competitive threat analysis project. In order to devise a comprehensive strategic response that is sensitive to local market variations, we need your individual insights and advice. To minimize the effort for you and to ensure consistent data collection across all regions. I’ve attached a template that identifies all the key question we’d like to have answered. I realize this will require several hours of work on your part, but the result will be a truly nationwide look at our competitive situation. From this information, we can create a plan for  the next fiscal year that makes the best use of finite resources while adapting to your local district needs. To allow sufficient time to compile your inputs before the November 13 board meeting, please email your responses to me by November 8. Thanks for your help and timely attention to this important project. Helene Helene H. Clausen Director, Strategic Initiative Early Education Solutions, Inc. 14445 Lawson Blvd., Suite 455 Denver, CO 80201 Tel: 303-555-1200 Fax: 303-555-1210 www.early-ed.com

Created an informative subject for the email. Gets right to the point of the message Acknowledges that responding to the request will require some work, but the result will benefit Explains the benefit of responding to the request Provides a clear and meaningful deadline, then closes in a courteous manner

INEFFECTIVE REQUEST

We have been at our present location for only three months, and we don’t understand why our December utility bills is $815.00 and our January bill is $817.50. Businesses on both sides of us, in offices just like ours, are paying only an average of $543.50 and $545.67 for the same months. We all have similar computer and office equipment, so something must be wrong. Small businesses helpless against big utility companies. How can we prove that you read the meter wrong or that the November bill from before we even moved in here got added to our December bill? We want someone to check this meter right away. We can’t afford to pay these bills. This is the first time we’ve completed to you about anything, and I hope that we deserve a better deal. Sincerely, Laura Covington Proprietor

Opens with emotions and details Uses a defensive tone and blames the meter reader Closes with irrelevant information and a weak defense

EFFECTIVE REQUEST

Dear Customer Service Representative: A comparison of our utility bills with those of our neighboring businesses suggests that the utility meter in our store may not be accurate. Please send a technician to check it. The European Connection has been at our current location since December 1, almost three months. Our month bill is nearly double those neighboring businesses in this building, yet we all have similar storefronts and equipment. We paid $815.00 in December and $817.00 in January. In contrast, the highest bills that neighboring businesses paid were $543.50 and $545.67 for those two months. If your representative would visit our store, he or she could do an analysis of how much energy we are using. We understand that you regularly provide this helpful service to customers. We would appreciate hearing from you this week. You can reach me by calling (805) 979-7727 during your business hours. I look forward toward hearing from you. Sincerely, Laura Covington Proprietor

Opens by clearly and calmly stating the problem Provides details in the body so that the reader can understand why Covington thinks a problem exists Presents details clearly, concisely, and completely Requests specific action in the closing and provides contact information to make responding easy

ANSWERING REQUEST

Here is the brochure “Entertainment Unlimited” that you requested. This booklet the vast array of entertainment options available to you with an Ocean Satellite Device (OSD). On Page 12 you’ll find a list of the 338 channels that the OSD brings into your home. You’ll have access to movie, sports, and music channels; 24-hour news channels; local channels; and all the major television networks. OSD gives you a clearer picture and more precise sound than those old-fashioned dishes that up most of your yard—and OSD uses only a small dish that mounts uses only a small dish that mounts easily on your roof. More music, more cartoons, more experts, more news, and more sports are available to you with OSD than with any other cable or satellite connection in this region. It’s all there, right at your fingertips. Just call us at 1-800-786-4331, and an OSD representative will come to your home to answer your questions. You’ll love the programming and the low monthly cost. Call us today!

Starts with a clear statement of the main point, which is responding to a consumer inquiry Creates a positive impression of the product offered Encourages readers to move toward a purchase by continuing to highlight t product benefits Points toward the sale confidently

RESPONDING TO A CLAIM WHEN YOUR COMPANY IS AT FAULT

Your email message concerning your recent Klondike order has been forwarded to our director of order fulfillment. Your complete satisfaction is our goal, and a customer service representative will contact you within 48 hours to assist with the issues raised in your letter. In the meantime, please accept the enclosed $5 gift certificate as a token of our appreciation for your business. Whether you’re skiing or driving a snowmobile, Klondike Gear offers you the best protection from wind, snow, and cold—and Klondike has been taking care of customers’ outdoor needs for over 27 years. Thank you for taking time to write us. Your input helps us better serve you and all our customers.

Acknowledges receipt of the customer’s message Explains what will happen next and when, without making and when, without making promises the writer can’t keep Takes steps to repair the relationships and ensure continued business Close with a statement of the company’s concern for all its customers

RESPONDING TO A CLAIM WHEN THE BUYER IS AT FAULT

Dear Mr. Cox: Thank you for contacting us about your in-line skates. Even though your six-month warranty has expired, Skates Alive! Is mailing you a complete wheel assembly replacement free of charge. The enclosed instructions will explain how to remove the damaged wheel line and install the new one. The “Fastrax” (model NL 562) you purchased is our best-selling and most reliable skate. However, wheel jams may occur when fine particles of sand block the smooth rotating action of the wheels. These skates perform best when used on roadways and tracks that are relatively free of sand. We suggest that you remove and clean the wheel assemblies once a month and have them checked by your dealer every six months. Because of your Florida location, you may want to consider our more advanced “Glisto” (model NL 988) when you decide to purchase new skates. Although more expensive than the Fastrax, the Glisto design helps shed sand and dirt quite efficiently and should provide years of carefree skating. Enjoy the attached PDF copy of “Rock & Roll,” our free skating newsletter. We love hearing from our skaters, so keep in touch. All of us at Skaters Alive! Wish you good times and miles of healthy skating. Sincerely, Candace Parker Customer Service Representative

Acknowledge reader communication, keeps opening positive by avoiding words such as problem, and conveys the good news right away Explains the problem without blaming the customer by avoiding the pronoun you and by suggesting ways to avoid future problems Subtly promotes a more appropriate product for the customer Gives the reader a glimpse into the corporate culture and encourages continued correspondence Closes on a positive note that conveys an attitude of excellent customer service

Technical Writing Portfolio Part 1

Revise the following messages so that they follow the given guidelines. Rewrite them as complete business letters by adding the necessary details.

Message 1

I’m fed up with the mistakes that our current accounting firm makes. I run a small construction company, and I don’t have time to double-check every bookkeeping entry and call the accountants a dozen times when they won’t return my messages. Please explain how your firm would do a better job than my current accountants. You have a good reputation among homebuilders, but before I consider hiring you take over my accounting, I need to know that you care about quality work and good customer service.

Message 2

At a local business-supply store, I recently purchased your Negotiator Pro for my computer. I bought the CD because I saw your ad for it. Macworld magazine, and it looked as if it might be an effective tool for use in my corporate seminar on negotiation.

Unfortunately, when I inserted it in my office computer, it wouldn’t work. I returned it to the store, but because I had already opened it, they refused to exchange it for a CD that would work or give a refund. They told me to contact you and that you might be able to send me a version that would work with my computer.

You can send the information to me at the letterhead address. If you cannot send me the correct disc, please refund my $79.95. Thanks in advance for any help you can give in this matter.

Message 3

We read your letter, requesting your deposit refund. We couldn’t figure out why you hadn’t received it, so we talked to our maintenance engineer, as you suggested. He said you had left one of the doors off the hinges in your apartment in order to get a large sofa through the door. He also confirmed that you had paid him $5.00 to replace the door since you had to turn in the U-Haul trailer and were in a big hurry.

The entire situation really was caused by a lack of communication between our housekeeping inspector and the maintenance engineer. All we knew was that the door was off the hinges when it was inspected by Sally Tarnley. You know that our policy states that if anything is wrong with apartment, we keep the deposit. We had no way of knowing that George just hadn’t gotten around replacing the door.

But, we have good news. We approved the deposit refund, which will be mailed to you form our home office in Teaneck, New Jersey. I’m not sure how long that will take; however, if you don’t receive the check by the end of next month, give me a call.

Next time, it’s really a good idea to stay with your apartment until inspected, as stipulated in your lease agreement. That way, you’ll be sure to receive your refund when you expect it. Hope you have a good summer.

Message 4

Your letter to Kunitake Ando, President of Sony, was forwarded to me because I am the human resources director. In my job as head of HR, I have access to performance reviews for all of the Sony employees in the United States. This means, of course, that I would be the person best qualified to answer your request for information on Nick Oshinski.

In your letter of the 15th, you asked about Nick Oshinki’s employment record with us because he has applied to work for your company. Mr. Oshinki was employed with us from January 5, 1998, until March 1, 2008. During that time, Mr. Oshinki received ratings ranging from 2.5 up to 9.6, with 10 being the top score. 

As you can see, he must have done better than others. In addition, he took all vacation days, which is a bit unusual. Although I did not know Mr. Oshinki personally, I know that our best workers seldom use all the vacation time they earn. I do not know if that applies in this case.

In summary, Nick Oshinki performed his task well depending who managed him.  

Notes on Routine and Positive Messages

Writing Routine Requests

A.  State your request upfront.

-        Write in a polite, understanding, personal tone.

-        Use the direct approach because your audience will probably respond favorable to your request.

-        Be specific and precise in your request.

B.  Explain and justify your request.

-        Justify the request or explain its importance.

-        Explain any potential benefits of responding.

-        Ask the most important question first.

-        Break complex requests into individual questions that are limited to only one topic each. 

C.  Request specific action in a courteous close.

-        Make it easy to comply by including appropriate contact information.

-        Express your gratitude.

-        Clearly state any important deadlines for the request.

Common Examples of Routine Requests

A.   Asking for information and action

When you need to know about something, elicit an opinion from someone, or request a simple action, you usually need only ask.

-        What you want to know or what you want readers to do

-        Why are you’re making the request

-        Why it may be in your readers’ interest to help you

B.   Asking for recommendations

Companies before they extend credit or award contracts, jobs, promotions, or scholarship would request a written recommendation from the applicant.  This recommendation must come from a credible person who can vouch for applicant’s abilities, skills, integrity, character, and fitness for the job.

-        The candidate’s full name

-        The position or other objective the candidate

-        An indication of whether you are answering a request form the person or taking the initiative to write

-        Facts and evidence relevant to the candidate and opportunity

-        A comparison of this candidate’s potential with that of his or her peers, if available (for example, “Ms. Jonasson consistently ranked in the top 10 percent of her class”)

-        Your overall evaluation of the candidate’s suitability for the opportunity

C.  Making claims and requesting adjustments

If you are dissatisfied with a company’s product or service, you can opt to make a claim (a formal complaint) or request an adjustment (a settlement of a claim).

Strategies for Routine Replies and Positive Messages

A.  Starting with the Main Idea

-        Be clear and concise.

-        Identify the single most important message before your start writing.

INSTEAD OF THIS I am pleased to inform you that after careful consideration of a diverse and talented pool of applicants, each of whom did a thorough job of analyzing Trask Horton Pharmaceuticals’s training needs, we have selected your bid.

WRITE THIS Trask Horton Pharmaceuticals has accepted your bid to provide public speaking and presentation training to the sales staff.

B.  Providing Necessary Details and Explanation

-        Explain your point completely to eliminate any confusion or lingering doubts.

-        Maintain a supportive tone throughout.

-        Embed negative statements in positive contexts or balance them with positive alternatives.

-        Talk favorably about the choices the customer has made.

INSTEAD OF THIS No, we no longer carry the Sportgirl line of sweaters.

WRITE THIS The new Olympic line has replaced the Sportsgirl sweaters that you asked about. OIympic features a wider range of color and sizes and more contemporary styling.

C.  End with a courteous close.

-        Let your readers know that you have their personal well-being in mind.

-        If further action is required, tell readers how to proceed and encourage them to act promptly.

Granting Claims and Adjustment Requests

A.  Responding when your company is at fault

-        Be aware of your company’s policies in such cases before your respond.

-        For serious situations, refer to the company’s crisis management plan.

-        Start by acknowledging receipt of the claim or complaint.

-        Take or assign personal responsibility for resolving the situation.

-        Sympathize with customer’s frustration.

-        Explain how you have resolved the situation (or plan to).

-        Take steps to repair the customer relationship.

-        Verify your response with the customer and keep the lines of communicating open.

B.  Responding when the customer is at fault.

-        Weigh the cost of complying with or refusing the request.

-        If you choose to comply, open with the good news.

-        Use the body of the message to respectfully educate the customer about steps needed to avoid a similar outcome in the future.

-        Close with an appreciation for the customer’s business.

C. Responding when a third party is at fault

-        Evaluate the situation and review your company’s policies before responding.

-        Avoid placing blame; focus on the solution.

-        Regardless of who is responsible for resolving the situation, let customer know what will happen to resolve the problem.